2009 - Could Have Been Worse...

if there had been zombies. Work sucked, Geek & I split for good, work sucked some more, then my cat died. There you have it - the Year of your Lord, MMIX.

There's a full moon tonight, the second of the month - a Blue Moon, on New Year's Eve. It's an opportunity you may not see again. Take it. Do something you wouldn't otherwise do.

As you pass through the doorway from 2009 to 2010 may Janus smile on you from both sides.

I scare myself sometimes...

I was moving my desk into the Ex-Geek's office today and came across one of my poetry journals from about 2 years ago. I didn't remember writing most of them, so I started reading them before moving on to the next stack of crap to be sorted through. Most were my normal melancholy drivel. Then I get to one particularly cynical depressing bit of wordplay & I actually said out loud: "That is just AWFUL." It was. I think I may have just driven myself into a dark spiral. All the more reason for a brand new fluffy kitty cat - therapy. By the way, my long time, black, fluffy, cycloptic, feline companion, One Eyed Jack, died a little more than a week ago.

Happy Hollowdays one and all!

Untitled Awful Poem

She holds Hope
like a child's face
wanting it to stay
small, bright, & her's alone.
Yet, Hope grows into Dream,
it's gangly arms & legs
stretched - reaching.
Dream, enamored of Risk,
leaves Her to her garden,
her cats &
her dirty dishes.

southern martyr 2007

Cabin of my Mind

There are nights
when thoughts roll like marbles
on the hardwood floor
inside my head.

southern martyr
12-11-09

Flipsides...

If roots went as deep
as branches high -
trees would never fall.

If love went as far
as hate goes wide -
I'd never have to call.

southern martyr 11-24-09

Here's an Oldie but Goodie that has been rolling around on the hard wood floor inside my head:

Within the Lover turned Enemy
dwells Man's fiercest Hate

To be the Lover hated
Life's cruelest twist of Fate

southern martyr circa 1992

No worries though, I do my best writing when I've got something under my skin. I'll enjoy it while it lasts and save up a little misery for some sunny day that's needs inspiration. Happy Hollowdays one and all!

May not be good, but at least it's something...

Working a lot, dancing a lot, yoga a lot, boyfriend a lot, writing a little.

A Cold November Rain

Guns N Roses did not ruin it for me

It still feels like the first drops of water to ever fall from the sky

cold clear crystalline

I press myself against the house
The gutter keeps the unswerving drops
from striking me

Yet still they call out as they fall

And those caught on my bare skin
answer with sharp excited cries of their own.

southern martyr 11-17-09

And here's a little something twitter length:

the mountains slept all day today with blankets tucked firmly beneath their chins

southern martyr 11-18-09

well hell... it's poetry?

Okay, so I said I was going to be a little better about writing. However, I can't seem to find two minutes to sit down and frame my thoughts into any sort of order. That's where poetry has always come in for me. It lets me jot down something (real or imagined) in the moment. Without any conscious effort. Sometimes that means my poetry isn't that great... But it exists, great or slapdash or just plain bad, it's there - a moment or a thought pressed between the pages of my life so that I can go back and remember it later. Here's two that I dashed off during the last few weeks and haven't done anything with. I think that because of how busy my work life has been lately I'm slipping into almost a faux haiku style. At the moment that is how I hear things in my head - short clipped and almost sing song. Maybe I'm going slightly mad...

Untitled

You make me nervous.
I think you lie sometimes,
because sometimes I do too.
And yet, your lies are so much better than mine.

southern martyr 10-09


It Just Ain't Right...

Wrong day wrong week
wrong month wrong year

Wrong man wrong love
wrong hope wrong fear

southern martyr 10-09

Well folks, that's all I got today. At least it's something...

Limbo...

I know I haven't been posting in a really long time. That's because I've been lost. That's not always a bad thing. There have been a few times in my relatively short life when I was scared at being lost & alone. However, most times, I find it exhilarating. This has been one of my longer, rougher, stumbles through the woods, but I saw things I never would have noticed otherwise.

I spent several months (years?) walking along, putting one foot in front of the other. It was a rather enjoyable stroll. Then, this spring, I looked up for the first time in a very long time to see where I was... and realized I was lost. It's funny how everything is perfectly okay right up until the moment your mind registers that you don't know where you are. One minute you're ambling along between points A & B, and the next you're "lost" and disoriented and slightly panicked.

My favorite thing about being lost? The fact that it is the best opportunity you will ever have to change your mind about where you want to go and which path (if any) you want to take to get there. I changed course and decided to plunge into the underbrush and see where I popped out.

And here I am.

Not sure where "here" is exactly. I think I'm someplace on the road between Heartbreak and Salvation. I've decided to leave the road again and just strike out through woods til I find a deer trail or an old logging road and see where it leads. I'm going to try and do more writing and try keep this online journal updated a little more often - whenever I take a break from my little adventure.