Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Writer's Block

I've been TRYING to work today. I really have. I am suffering from writer's block. I have an ad due tomorrow and I can't come up with shit. I've got an image. I've got my layout. I've got a tagline, "Away From It All - Not Too Far Away." (Yeah, I know. I still can't get the taste of little fuzzy kitten out of my mouth from that one...) But I can't actually think of any verbage to use in the text body of the ad.

The hardest part is that I don't really care. So here's a tag I received from my PregnantBestFriend:

SCATTEGORIES...it's harder than it looks! Copy and paste into a new email. When you are done, send it on, including to the person who sent it to you. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following... they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. (WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS HARD IF YOU ALREADY READ THEIR ANSWERS). You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl.

1. What is your name: Southern Martyr (My real name starts with an "S" also. And it's NOT "Smartass.")

2. 4 letter word: Soul

3. Vehicle: Suburban

4. City: Seville (Spanish: Sevilla) in Spain

5. Boy's Name: Sam

6. Girl's Name: Sarah

7. Alcoholic drink: SoCo (Southern Comfort for all you unhip cats out there)

8. Occupation: Sex Worker

9. Something you wear: Sleeves

10. Celebrity: Sara Gilbert

11. Food: Swiss Cheese

12. Something found in a bathroom: Sink

13. Reason for Being Late: Sex

14. Cartoon character: Scrooge McDuck

15. Something You Shout: Seriously!

16. Animal: Swordfish

17. Body part: Shin

18. Word to describe you: Sullen

Go ahead, play instead of work! You know you want to!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Sometimes I Worry...

I don't talk about my family very much here at Southern Martyr. Partly because I don't think anything short of a Tennessee Williams-esque 2,000 page novel bound in the hand cured hide of one of my father's prize heifers (dead from natural causes, of course) could possibly begin to do my family justice. And then my Pregnant Best Friend forwards me brief a news story from Britain and I realize that I am not alone. There are others out there who will grow up cringing and laughing in equal parts to tell their own stories. One day I will meet one of them and we will sit and talk about how our parents were such wonderful, creative, loving, friendly, intelligent, free spirits who were merely misunderstood when discovered to be building that tree house with retractable ladder and pulley system/secret mock castle with cannon/basement mad scientist laboratory/full size tee pee made from old tent material/doors to nowhere.

I worry that a link to this article will eventually disappear leaving no reminder of this news story which made me think immediately of my own family life (not exactly the same, but similar enough in some ways to make me worry - just a little), so I copied and pasted the article verbatim:

Farmer hides castle from building inspectors
By Peter Apps Fri Jan 25, 7:45 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - A farmer built an entire mock castle behind a screen of hay bales and lived there concealed for four years to evade planning regulations, officials said on Friday -- but it may be torn down anyway.

Robert Fidler hopes to take advantage of a provision of planning law that allows buildings without planning permission to be declared legal if no objections have been made after four years.

But Reigate and Banstead Borough Council in Surrey is not impressed.

"It does not count because the property was hidden behind hay bales," said a spokeswoman. "No one knew it was there."

The council wants the building near Redhill some 30 km south of London to be demolished, along with an associated conservatory, marquee structure, wooden bridge, patio, decking and tarmac racecourse.

"It looks like a mock-Tudor house from the front and it's got two turrets at the back," the spokeswoman said. "I understand there is also a cannon."

The couple would have been unlikely to get planning permission as the farm was in "green belt" land where building was restricted, she said. A hearing takes place in February.

Fidler's wife Linda told the Daily Mail newspaper the children grew up looking at straw out of the windows of the house and that they kept their son away from playschool on the day his class were due to do paintings of their houses.

"We couldn't have him drawing a big blue haystack," she said. "People might ask questions."

Planning inspectors had been called to the site by concerned neighbours shortly before Fidler took the hay bales down in summer 2006 but had not seen the house.

"When the inspectors went there, all they saw was hay bales and hay bales on agricultural land are not that unusual," the spokeswoman said.

"I think the neighbours thought there might be something going on but it is difficult to tell, isn't it?"

(Editing by Steve Addison)

I'd been in the middle of writing another post when Pregnant Best Friend emailed me this story and I HAD to post it straightway. This has inspired me to do a little writing. I hope that my father doesn't read this and get any ideas.

Actually, I take that back. I've wanted my very own stone tower in the woods for a very long time...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Mustang? Hell Yeah!

I just came across THIS which states that the new KITT for the new made for TV Knight Rider movie is a Mustang! Hell Yeah! TransAms are for redneck pussies with little dicks. Mustangs are for girls who know how to drive stick and men who get girls who know how to drive stick.

I love this qoute: "Maintaining as much of the original beauty of the Shelby as possible was important—and not just because of the Ford connection. It had to be simple yet believable as a superhero."

Disclaimer: The above is my opinion. Only my opinion counts on this blog so if you disagree with me about this don't bother commenting, I will just delete it - unless of course you want everybody to know that you're a redneck pussy with a little dick...

New Year's Excuses

Okay, so I haven’t been “blogging” much lately. There are a myriad of reasons – and most of them are personal character flaws.

#1 Work. Hell-a-shish! Weekends, evenings, writing content in my fucking sleep.
Character flaw associated with Work: Procrastination.

#2 Holidays. Suck. Wallowing took up a lot of my time this year, but I’m almost done.
Character flaw associated with Holidays: Self pity.

#3 Family. See #2. No box of Whitman’s chocolates from Daddy. I got a Christmas present from him, but it wasn’t Whitman’s box chocolates. What does he think I am – a 31 year old woman?! Plus the usual awkward Family Get Together bullshit. Although, I bet most of you didn’t pull up to your grandparents’ house Thanksgiving Day to see a Sheriff’s car parked out front.
P.S. The present I DID get from him was great & I really did NEED it. I am going to get out with the camera one day this next week and get some photos to put up on the old blog to show it off.
Character flaw associated with Family: Arrogance & self centeredness. I’m only listing my own character flaws here. If I listed all of my family’s flaws not only would the list be the longest blog entry I’ve ever typed (which is saying A LOT!) but it would also only serve to highlight my own arrogance & self centeredness by doing so.

#4 Pregnant Best Friend. Pregnant. This one is a good reason. I am spending as much time as possible making fun of - I mean - supporting her. (With boobs like that she needs all the support she can get).
Character flaw associated with Pregnant Best Friend: Vicarious living. Not so much a flaw as a survival technique.

So that’s my list of New Year’s Excuses. What’s yours?